I met with Delany yesterday and he'd read five of my submissions (which is far and beyond his call of duty) and he said three of the five were ones he would have continued reading and two are worthy ideas which I should rewrite. He also noted areas that should be rewritten and how/why and then gifted me with a question about whether English was my first language.
I hadn't realize that I never use past perfect. Never. It's been totally obliberated from my spoken and written vocabulary. He advised I put it back. Ack! How and why did this disappear and why hadn't I noticed it?
Delany took the time to explain much that was wrong with the failed stories and why he doesn't like flashbacks, etc. The bottom line is that the session made so many things so much more apparent that I no longer feel quite so lost at sea and drowning in frustration.
I still feel unworthy... but that's just me. My self-esteem has always had a negative value and I suspect it always will.
Karen and I, being somewhat neck-and-neck on a non-race for highest number of stories written at Clarion, were fortunate to receive the extra attention. The reason for this is that we wanted some feedback on our stories which won't be critiqued during Clarion. Delany is basically a nice guy. Maybe others had different experiences, but my encounters with Delany were pleasant ones (if occasionally frustrating due to level and type of expectations). He was very discerning and informative without being a jerk about it. The same can be said for all the Clarion instructors thus far. I might not always agree with their preferences and opinions, but that's why we have multiple viewpoints.
There's a part of me that will forever regret not being able to write literary. But then again... I can't sing either.
The Arabian stallion story took much longer to finish than intended... but the ending I had in mind at the beginning no longer seemed quite right and I spent some time developing one that I thought completed the circle a little better. Regretfully, the character is . NOT a sterling example of male intelligence and kindness during the medieval ages. I hadn't realized I was channeling Black Adder until Buck mentioned him and then several things fell into place. I did give him a good reason for doing what he's done... much as Black Adder has good reason for some of the things he does to his contemporaries.
Beth Mecham arrived and we gathered in the Van Hoosen to ask questions Saturday and fill in a time to speak to her. Thus far, all is going well again. I've started a suicide story. No, the suicide story has nothing to do with how I feel. It's an idea that I hope will work into a futuristic medical science-type story about and epidemic of thrill-seeking through suicide.
THANK YOU HILIARY! for the rubber stamp of the chicken soup fairy. I couldn't eat the cookies (I'm not going THERE again during Clarion), but I enjoyed the stamp.
We had a Sunday session with Beth in which she explained some of the mysteries of the publishing world and then a short meeting afterwards regarding the Clarion T-shirt. I am reducing my order from two to one. I respect the right of the majority to have the expressions they desire on the shirt. I cannot wear the shirt 99% of the places I had anticipated wearing it (mostly, work) and thus I no longer want one to safely store away and one to wear. Hopefully, this will NOT set off a debate. I think the T-shirt committee has already been through enough anguish over without censorship demands upon my part. I put in my two cents worth that it reduces the number of places some of us can wear the T-shirt, but I'm not going to kick up a fuss about this. After all, I may very well be the only person in the group with this constraint.
Talked to Beth... who had read my submission, Dream The Moon and felt it was saleable. [Yippee!] She also noted I'm having problems with lay and laid and shined and shone. I always reverse these. Its and it's doesn't give me problems. Lay and laid and shined and shone drive me nuts. I need to work on those. I also have a problem with commas and semi-colons and need to work on those as well. Dream The Moon is one I wrote in response to trying to write like an author I admire. I picked Dan Simmons and, since I have problems with descriptions, I picked a scene set in a very familiar setting. I could close my eyes and see the factory where I used to work. I sweat through that description and it's such a relief to know it worked. This will be the first story I rewrite (with Delany's, Beth's, and Karen's suggestions) when I return home and it's going to F&SF first. I also intend to take the lessons learned and keep applying them to other works.
I seized the opportunity to ask Beth about the novel in progress, which is set on Mercury. The bad news is that this is as much of an uphill battle in her opinion as I feared. It's the PREMISE that's the problem. I can move the story elsewhere and it will still work and then I can write a DIFFERENT novel about paraterraforming Mercury, and that will work. The two together would be a hard sell and thus I think I will soon have THREE novel starts rather than two.
Okay... so the question is why three when I've named two? Well... I've fallen deeper and deeper into fascination with a story native to the area of my mother's birth. I'm about 99% certain I could sell this if I wrote it simply because I've got access to true, historical data and a somewhat loose personal connection as well. After seeing how Due wrote the Madame Walker book, etc., I can see taking the old Tom Dula (pronounced Dooley) story and turning it into a TRUE noveliztion that might reawaken interest in the old murder as well as showing some of the historical flavor of the country at that time. So many ideas and so little time.
The next story just doesn't want to flow forth so I stopped by Karen's room and asked would she like to go to the mall with me. After her meeting with Beth, we'll go shopping so I can stretch my legs, maybe buy a new pair of tennis shoes, and just generally get into some wide open spaces. We've got a thunderstorm here so I can't walk outside. It's very muggy, but nothing like Indianapolis.
The mall shopping trip was a great stress reliever. I bought an amber spider. Don't ask. I also bought more fresh fruit and a dreamcatcher. [Authentic] Fortunately, they did not have the tennis shoes I wanted in the size I needed and thus I did not make a huge expenditure.
I've not broken away from the computer much and I decided that this contributed to my earlier mental fatigue and migraine. I woke up with a regular headache this morning and I'm determined to prevent it taking over my creativity.