The Fencer's Mental Edge
Getting sick in Reno was probably the best thing that could have happened to me after Pittsburgh, where I nearly lost my first DE (Direct Elimination) because I was panicking. There I was, desperately trying to justify my right to fence (or so I felt) and firmly convinced that if I lost the bout, everyone would be disappointed in me and whisper behind my back that I had no business being there.
It's funny how getting sick and realizing that no one would blame me for fencing badly finally freed me to relax and fence to the best of my ability. The pressure was suddenly off and while I was still uptight at the beginning of my first bout, the thought that I could always say,
I'm sorry, but I was sick
was in the back of my mind. In fact, I was already visualizing returning home with a bad finish and saying this when I plugged in for the first bout and went into my trademark position -- simultaneous on the first attack and react to whatever the opponent did. I didn't know how this fencer fenced and it was the first bout so it seemed the logical thing to do.
It helped that one of the fencers in the pool was a physical therapist who literally laid on hands (well -- two fingers -- one on each side of my nose) and demonstrated how to alleviate some of my congestion. It probably also helped that I was trying to see the humor in the situation and referred to the lexar mask as having a sneeze guard to protect my opponent. Whatever it was, I realized at the end of the first bout that I wasn't tense and I was fencing better than I had in competition in quite some time. I was loose and moving and I was acting as much as I was reacting. In fact, I was planning my next bout as I moved into the engarde position and that was something I usually couldn't do. I was usually frozen and trying to think how to react instead of how to act.
I won two bouts in the pool, scored three points on someone who was a much, much better fencer than me, and didn't once panic. The key to doing well, it appeared, was to no longer care quite as much about where I placed at the finish. I was seeded 8th at the end of the pools and this is far, far better than I'd ever finished before in the WSV50 pools. Unfortunately, mental attitude will only take you so far and I lost my DE to someone who is a better fencer than me. I note, however, that I did not lose without putting up a good fight to the very end and remaining calm until the final touch.
I managed to keep that mental attitude through the next two competitions and I hope I can carry it forward with me in future events. It's difficult for me because I'm a highly competitive person and I always want to do well. Telling myself not to care about the results because I fence better if I don't worry about it and focus solely on one touch at a time is probably the hardest part of the sport for me. But it's a mental attitude I've got to adopt because it is apparently the attitude that can best enable me to achieve the results I want.